THE pressure that many successful women have is that they are expected to only marry successful men. This pressure comes from everyone and everywhere.
But oft-times, successful women don’t get to attract successful men, for it is one thing to be successful in a career and quite another to be successful in love.
Jane had a boyfriend who loved her so much and wanted to marry her. She passed her A-Levels and qualified for medical school. Before she went to med school, everyone was okay with her boyfriend but after she enrolled, they started questioning their relationship.
They would ask if he was the “right guy for you”.
To add salt to injury, even her parents started asking the same question, “why can’t you drop this guy and find a man who match your profession?”
Even at church, she started getting prophecies, that she was “going to be married to a millionaire”.
Eventually she succumbed to the pressure and decided to end the relationship with her boyfriend because everyone was now expecting her to date someone better.
Though Jane heeded what everyone was saying, deep inside her heart she knew she loved her boyfriend. It is true, that sometimes, you don’t date for yourself but you date for people around you. This is what comes with being successful as a career woman.
She almost finished university without attracting anyone but lived in the hope of the prophecies that she had been given, though many times she would miss her boyfriend. As she was about to graduate, she met someone who matched her CV but the relationship never worked out.
The guy never respected her the way she was respected by her “CV-less” boyfriend. The guy left her after giving many false dates to pay lobola.
Whilst she used to get all the attention from her first boyfriend, the new guy double-crossed her with so many girls. After these many false starts, she was driven to the point of despair.
All the guys who came after this heartbreak never wanted to date her to the point of marrying her. As soon as they got sex they would leave and it was hard for her to attract anyone with future plans with her. It always seemed like she was the one putting effort, the one begging to be seen and the one talking about love.
Could it be that she was just unfortunate to be attracting the wrong guys?
In her social circles, the talk had changed to: “look at her, we wonder what kind of man is going to marry her. Is he going to be a pilot, also a doctor or a renowned businessman?”
But who said a doctor should be married to a doctor? Isn’t love a heart issue? The moment we start bringing professions into relationships is the moment we make it hard for successful women to get married. We often think they are going to get “a successful man” but this is not what always happen on the ground.
A woman can be successful but she can struggle to attract a successful man.
Another problem is, successful men don’t even marry successful women. You see them going for looks, which doesn’t even need an impressive academic CV.
So, who gets to marry successful women when we put so much pressure on them? Successful women must never be pressurised to find successful men. They should find someone who loves them.
Brian Matsaira is a love and relationships coach and can be contacted on [email protected]