The Sunday Mail

Two of the country’s dumbest and dummest criminals — Alexio Chibwana and Obvious Tembo — will not only be in the slammer for the next two years, but they will definitely be immortalised in the Hall of Infamy as well.

On one idle day in April this year, these morons from Mkoba, Gweru, decided to arm themselves with a machete and waylaid a hapless Hilary Watsikiwa, who had just disembarked from a commuter omnibus.

After picking him clean of his valuables, which included an Itel mobile phone, US$450 and $820 cash, these incorrigibly stupid wannabe goons did the unthinkable: they asked the victim to surrender his secret EcoCash pin number, after which they subsequently transferred the money into their own mobile money wallet.

The police did not have to break a sweat to break the case; there was no Sherlock Holmes-like expertise needed for the case.

These stupid chaps are now guests of the State after being sentenced on Saturday last week.

And, there is also the case of Fanuel Ngirandi, a suspected armed robber from Epworth, who together with his accomplices, allegedly robbed a businessman in the same neighbourhood.

While the robbery was underway, a worse for wear and doddering Ngirandi decided to take a nap in the victim’s car’s loading box, which turned out to be a very wrong decision.

After completing their evil enterprise, the robbers made good their escape in obscene haste.

And the incriminating clue they left on the crime scene was quite invaluable: a snoring chap, who police had the easiest task of frog-marching to prison.

He, however, still has to explain himself before the courts of law.


Bishop Lazi was reflecting on this real-life tragi-comedy, when he was going through details of the recent spate of abductions, which have seemingly mutated from epidemic to pandemic proportions, especially with the reported abduction of the little-known Dr Peter Magombeyi.

Surely, events that took place after the screening of the Zimbabwe Political Dialogue series by Zimpapers Television Network (ZTN) in partnership with the Zimbabwe Council of Churches (ZCC) at The Venue in Avondale on July 31 this year, are still worrying as they are distressing for the man of scripture and prayer.

Imagine, at an event resembling a political pageant for anti-Government critics, which was crawling with likes of the voluble Jealousy Mawarire of the ill-fated National Patriotic Front (NPF), Jacob Mafume (MDC) and his counterpart Obey Sithole from the youth league, Sekai Holland (National Peace Trust) and the odd hoi polloi from the non-governmental organisations, the now infamous abductors decided to pounce.

We are dutifully told by ZCC general secretary Reverend Kenneth Mtata — himself a closet activist — that five to eight gun-toting men in two vehicles — a Toyota Rav4 and a white Toyota Quantum minibus — attempted to abduct Obey Sithole “in full view of the guests”.

What nerve?

Curiously, one of the guests, Sekai Holland, a former member of the MDC, who supposedly witnessed the abduction attempt, later issued a statement 25 days later noting that “some of the statements (on abductions) border on falsehoods, misinformation and outright malice”.

But, in the latest case, we are again told that Dr Magombeyi, who left home on Saturday September 14 purportedly for an all-night prayer and was reported missing by his roommate the following morning at 10am, managed to send a message in a Whatsapp group of his fellow professionals on Sunday 15 September at 10.19pm — more than 12 hours after the reported abduction — that he had been kidnapped.

We now wonder: were the abductors so foolish enough to allow the Dr to announce the news of his own captivity on Whatsapp?

We are even told that the good doctor was eventually dumped in Nyabira — thankfully 22 kilometres from the safe haven of the American embassy — where the dumb abductors gave him his phone back; fully charged by the way. Kikikiki.

So from Sunday, the abductors were just caringly looking after our good doctor?

For now, we might never know.

And why are these abductors so foolish or brazen, or both, to kidnap someone just when the curious world media is in Zimbabwe for the funeral of Cde Bob?

If the abductors are State agents, as those pointing an accusing finger on Government are to tell us, they surely should have taken their moves straight from a manual entitled “How and when not to kidnap.”

It is just absurd.

However, what the Bishop knows is that these abductors, just like the blundering Gweru duo, are either stupidly reckless or brazenly courageous.

Either way, they are sailing close to the wind.

In the shadows

But, nature and circumstances always conspire against evil enterprises.

Romans 2:8-12 warns: “But for those who are self-seeking and who reject the truth and follow evil, there will be wrath and anger. There will be trouble and distress for every human being who does evil: first for the Jew, then for the Gentile; but glory, honour and peace for everyone who does good: first for the Jew, then for the Gentile. For God does not show favouritism. All who sin apart from the law will also perish apart from the law, and all who sin under the law will be judged by the law.”

But, John 3:20 gives us a helpful clue. It says: “Everyone who does evil hates the light, and will not come into the light for fear that their deeds will be exposed.”

Our abductors have largely remained nocturnal creatures that thrive in the shadows and what better way to account for them than by setting the men and women in the shadows in their trail.

What has always been proved over the years is that even the greatest criminals unavoidably fail to outpace and elude the wrathful Karma, and comeuppance always comes soon enough.

But, the effective wheels of justice are slow, sometimes frustratingly slow, and for good reason.

Hunting rogue criminals is like hunting game: the hunter has to move by stealth against the wind to avoid his scent being picked up by wary prey; he has to meticulously reconnoitre and either crouch or pivot for the kill-shot; and, after steadying his hand and gaining poise, make the shot.

As consummate snipers know, it should be one shot, one kill.

As the mythical Sherlock Holmes would always say to his sidekick, Watson, “when you have eliminated the impossible, whatever remains, however improbable, must be the truth.”

You have to be patient, dear reader, all will be revealed in good time.

Bishop out!